Trust

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A little over four years ago, I left my corporate job to pursue my own entrepreneurial dreams. On May 10 of this year, I posted a shot on Instagram of the building where I formerly worked with a caption stating the happiness I had over being my own boss, making my own decisions and basking in the sun instead of being trapped inside a building on a beautiful day.

After that post, in a sickening twist of fate, everything started to crumble around me. Things had been feeling unsteady, but I failed to heed the warning signs because I’m a stubborn SOB. I believed God would get me through because I trusted Him.

However, things did not get better. In the last several months I’ve taken one humbling hit after another. I’ve questioned everything about myself. On more than one occasion I’ve cried tears of shame, doubt, embarrassment, anxiety, hopelessness and frustration so deep my soul hurt. I can say without a second thought that this season in life has been my hardest.

Believe it or not, I’ve been running from God my whole life. I’ve “mailed in” my commitment hoping He might not notice. I’ve viewed Him as a stern, heavy-handed father much like my own earthly dad who tried to force me into being something I wasn’t. Because of who God felt like, I took His gentle calling on my life and shelved it. Instead of using His gift of entrepreneurialism to convey a modern day Jesus, I started flipping vintage tees for quick cash because it was easier and required less of myself all while using the name “Holy Idea Tees”. It worked for a little while and was profitable, but not sustainable. Now, in one more humbling hit, my return to Corporate America is inevitable so I can contribute what I promised financially to my family when I left the rat race four years ago.

As much as I hate to admit it, I thank God for allowing me to walk through the valley. We’ve become closer because of it. I’m beginning to believe that pain endured isn’t so much a consequence as it is the perfect gift He gives me so I have the strength to make it through life. I am becoming a better man because of my trials. I now feel ready to represent the company name. I have to be the best example of what I believe a modern day Jesus to be and not “mail in” my commitment. Now, as Holy Idea Tees gets closer to printing its first two tees, I can say that the name finally makes sense. It’s going to start conveying what it’s meant to do: the “Holy Idea” of modernizing Jesus.

Moving forward in life I know there will be more pain to endure. Life is not devoid of it. However, it’s interesting how being down can make you look up. I will still trust Him. I can find peace in that.

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way. – Proverbs 3:5-6

Then you will always trust in God and find that he is the source of your joy – Job 22:26

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